With the
ever-shifting tides of social norms in America, Christian Millennials will need
to answer questions that haven’t really been asked in previous eras. This, of
course, is not unique to Millennials; each generation faces its own sets of
advantages and challenges. One of the unique questions that Millennials will
need to answer is, “Will you be attending (insert gay friend or family member’s
name here) ‘wedding’?” Obviously, every age group will have some proximity to
this question, but the Millennials are the ones who are living in the midst of
this cultural change. It’s our friends who are getting “married.” We’re the
ones being asked to be best men and maids of honor. Our generation is the first
“same-sex marriage” generation.
Given
that this glaring reality is staring Millennials in the face, I think it’s
appropriate for Christian Millennials to think carefully through this issue,
and the implications of our various responses. Clearly this is a hot-button
issue, and experience has already shown me that saying anything about this
subject is bound to start a firestorm of controversy. But I believe that, when
Christians are asked to attend a same-sex “wedding,” their response should be
to humbly, lovingly, decline.
Why not
go?
The most
fundamental reason is that such a “wedding” is no wedding at all. As
Christians, the Bible is our final authority for faith and practice, especially
with regard to topics that it itself explicitly addresses; and the Bible pretty
explicitly addresses marriage. It is the covenant union between one man and one
woman, joined together by God himself (Genesis 2:18-25, Matthew 19:3-9,
Ephesians 5:22-33). The legal union between two people of the same sex may be
something, but it will never be marriage. Marriage is something that has been
established by God into the very fabric of reality itself; and legislation
can’t possibly touch it.
Now, at
this point some might be tempted to bring up Romans 13. Aren’t we supposed to be
subject to our governing authorities? My answer is yes, but only within the
sphere that our governing authority has sovereignty over. If I turn on the
television to discover that congress has passed a bill to annul the law of
gravity, I’m not going to celebrate by walking off the building. Why? Because
congress has no authority over the law of gravity. That law is outside of
congress’ jurisdiction.The same is true with regard to marriage; it’s an
untouchable reality. No sooner could congress establish a law that triangles
have four angles. So (as R.C. Sproul Jr. has so helpfully pointed out) to
attend such an event is to encourage the delusion of those involved.
But
what’s even worse, to attend a same-sex “wedding” is to celebrate sin.
Let’s use
another example; imagine for a moment that our culture was to descend into such
depravity that people start throwing “Porn-subscription Parties.” Imagine you
get an invitation in the mail that reads, “John Doe would like to cordially
invite you to celebrate his subscription to Extra-X Porn company: the party
will be held at…” Now, even if there’s no porn being watched at this imaginary
party, I should like to think that Christians would know to decline such an
invitation. Why? Because the invitation is to “celebrate his subscription” to
sin. “I don’t want to celebrate that!” ought to be our response. Or worse yet,
imagine it’s a wedding between a 40-year-old man and 9-year-old girl. With both
of these situations, the answer is (I think) clear; we don’t want to celebrate
sin.
Yet
celebration is exactly what we do when we attend weddings. We are there to
solemnize and affirm the union; it’s a joyous occasion. That’s why traditional
weddings has that part in there that says, “If anyone has any objections to
this union, speak now or forever hold your peace;” the silence that follows is
the affirmation of the union. However, if the Bible is right about sin, the
“wedding” of a same-sex couple is not a joyous occasion. It’s a tragedy! What
is the Christian attendee supposed to do when the official says, “I now
pronounce you husband and husband”? Is he to clap? Is he to weep? As a Christian,
I don’t believe there’s any way to reconcile the inconsistency of his
disapproval of what’s happening and his presence there as an attendee. The
purpose of the event is to fundamentally celebrate sin, and Christians simply
can’t do that.
Can’t we
use it for evangelism?
This is
the million-dollar question, isn’t it? What if I go there to show the love of
Jesus; to show some grace? I can certainly empathize with this impulse. After
all, didn’t Jesus hang out with sinners? Didn’t Paul say that it’s not the
sexually immoral of this world that we’re to distance ourselves from;
insinuating that we should associate with them? Not only that, but Paul even
says, “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save
some.” (1 Corinthians 9:22).
However,
I think we might be hasty to assume that these examples give us license to
attend a celebration of sin. First of all, there’s no reason to believe that
Jesus was in any way overlooking or affirming the sins of the sinners he was
hanging around. In fact, his habit was to tell them to stop sinning.
Additionally,
there is a huge difference between associating with sinners and affirming their
sins. If a non-believing gay friend asks you to attend his birthday party, you
should most definitely go! Why? Because the birthday party is not intrinsically
a celebration of sin, but his “wedding” is. We should remember that the Paul
who instructs us to associate with sexually immoral of this world--who became
“all things to all people, that by all means [he] might save some--is the same
Paul who strictly forbade Roman Christians to join in the pagan drinking
parties (which would turn into orgies) which were prevalent in their particular
culture (Romans 13:13-14). Why? Because becoming all things to all people does
not involve the celebration of all peoples’ sin.
But even
more fundamentally, a Christian’s presence at a same-sex “wedding” is actually
not helping his witness; it’s hurting it. A Christian who attends a same-sex
“wedding” may think he’s bringing the gospel, but he’s actually undermining it.
How is this? Well, let’s just define our terms for a moment. The gospel is the
good news of what Jesus has accomplished with his life, death, and
resurrection. What makes the Gospel good news is the bad news of sin; that our
sin brings upon us the rightful wrath of God. The good news is the free grace
of God, righteously satisfing his wrath for our sin by nailing it to the cross
in Jesus Christ. It’s the forgiveness which was purchased by the blood of
Jesus, which is rendered to those who are reconciled to Christ by faith and
repentance.
In other
words, the Gospel is only sweet to those who consider the taste of sin to be
bitter. Jesus says, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those
who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”
(Luke 5:31-32) A sinner will never repent if he sees no sin to repent of. A
sick man will never seek a physician if he thinks himself to be healthy. Paul
says, “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through
us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians
5:20) When we beg people to be reconciled to God, we are presupposing that
reconciliation is necessary.
So when
we refuse to identify sin--with our words or with our actions--we’re not actually
being “gospel-centered.” No, we’re actually robbing the gospel of its potency.
The crucifixion was not God’s way of ignoring sin. The very worst thing that
could possibly be said about our sin was said there, “Your sin is so heinous,”
the blood of Jesus cries out, “that the only thing that can atone for it is
divine blood.” The notion that Jesus ignored the sin of those he interacted
with, in the name of love, goes against the foundational Christian concept of
the atonement. Love was demonstrated by not ignoring sin.
Grace is
only for sinners. It’s actually quite unloving to encourage people in the very
activity that will send them to hell, when we in fact herald the only message
that can save them; a message that needs both halves (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
The
problem with cool-shaming
Now, all
of this sounds difficult because what we want is to develop significant
relationships with our non-believing friends, and we know that all of this
would not go over well in a coffee-conversation with them. However, that’s not
the determining factor for whether or not we are being effective witnesses to
our gay friends. So often, we think that having a great witness is to be well
thought of by non-believers; and in fact, that is something we should strive
for, insofar as we are able. However, often I think that us Millennials justify
our incredible lust for the approval of our non-believing peers by calling it
“striving for a good witness.” Our worst nightmare is to be called an
intolerant bigot; we’re terrified of being labeled a fundamentalist.
But
listen, that’s where our strength is found. I’m not saying our strength is
found in being a bigot; I’m saying that it’s found in saying the sort of thing
that actually offends people. This is the beauty of God’s ironic process; he
ordains to save sinners in the most counter-intuitive way: offending them. It
pleased God through “the folly of what we preach to save sinners” (1
Corinthians 1:18-31).
We need
to reconcile with the fact, right now, that we will never be “cool” in the eyes
of this world. For Christian Millennials, this pill can be too hard to swallow;
we want to have our cake and eat it too. But 2 Corinthians 2:14-17 makes it
pretty clear that this will never happen. The fragrance we give off as
Christians will always smell sweet to some, and horrible to others. The Holy
Spirit is the only one who can possibly convict sinners of sin, and turn the
repulsive, foolish message we preach into good news for them. But our job is
simple; we are heralds. We are impartial. We proclaim that sinners need
salvation from their sin, and that God has provided it in the person and work
of His Son. We give off the aroma of Christ, and we let the chips fall where
they may.
We will
never experience the delight of being the sweet aroma of life to those who are
being saved until we’re willing to be the stench of death to those who are
perishing.
So
please, don’t undermine the gospel you bring to your gay friends by being
inconsistent with it. Lovingly decline, and may it serve as an opportunity to
share with them the same good news that brought you from death to life.
Sam
Parkison
Samuel G.
Parkison is the author of Revelation and Response: The Why and How of Leading
Corporate Worship through Song. He is also a Regular Contributor to For The
Church and is a Ph.D. student at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Samuel
lives in Kansas City with his wife (Shannon) and their two sons (Jonah and
Henry), where Samuel serves as a Pastor of Teaching and Liturgy at Emmaus
Church.
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