By ex-Lad's magazine editor Martin Daubney
Let us no longer stand idly by and watch our many young people throw away a potential to enjoy the true gift of sex, the way the Lord made it to be. This next article is well-articulated, highlighting the lie that pornography is, leaving a devastated wake of many convinced young. Tragically, the resplendent reality of sex has been marred by the great porn cover-up. I was once an addict (well, just really into it) and a vast majority of young women and men who are addicted to pornography become awkward and frustrated, thus failing miserably as they seek women in the midst of their porn-inebriation. Many women are left either designing themselves according to men's contorted fantasies, thus leaving them in total disgust and anger toward men. Pornography sends the false message of what sex really is - a mirage rather than a glorious reality and essence of a monogamous relationship between one man and one woman.
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| Martin Daubney and family. |
Here's what Mr. Daubney has to say:
The moment I knew internet
pornography had cast its dark shadow over the lives of millions of ordinary
British teenagers will live with me for ever.
I was sitting in the smart
drama hall of a specialist sports college in the North of England with a
fantastic reputation.
Before me were a group of
20 boys and girls, aged 13-14. Largely white, working class children, they were
well turned-out, polite, giggly and shy.
As the presenter of a
Channel 4 documentary called Porn On The Brain, airing next Monday at 10pm, I'd
been invited to sit in on a forward-thinking class led by sex education
consultant Jonny Hunt, who is regularly asked into schools to discuss sex and
relationships. To establish what these kids knew about sex - including
pornography - he had asked the children to write an A-Z list of the sexual
terms they knew, no matter how extreme.
Most of these children had
just hit puberty and some were clearly still children: wide-eyed, nervous, with
high-pitched voices.
Some of the girls were
beginning their first forays into make-up. Several wore braces on their teeth.
Everybody was smartly turned out in school uniform, and the most anti-authority
statement in the room was a tie worn deliberately short. A One Direction pencil
case lay on a desk. These were clearly good children, from good homes. So far,
so very, very ordinary.
But when Jonny pinned
their lists on the board, it turned out that the children's extensive knowledge
of porn terms was not only startling, it superseded that of every adult in the
room - including the sex education consultant himself.
'Nugget, what's that?'
asked Jonny.
'A nugget is a girl who
has no arms or legs and has sex in a porno movie,' chortled one young, pimply
boy, to an outburst of embarrassed laughter from some, and outright revulsion
from others.
The adults in attendance
were incredulous at the thought that not only did this kind of porn exist, but
that a 14-year-old boy may have actually watched it.
But the more mundane
answers were just as shocking. For example, the first word every single boy and
girl in the group put on their list was 'anal'.
When questioned, they had
all - every child in a class of 20 - seen sodomy acted out in porn videos. I
was stunned they even knew about it - I certainly hadn't heard of it at that
age - let alone had watched it and as a result may even have wanted to try it.
One 15-year-old girl said,
'Boys expect porn sex in real life'. And one boy - to choruses of approval -
spoke of his revulsion for pubic hair, which he called a 'gorilla'.
When Jonny pointed out
that pubic hair was normal in real life, the boys scoffed, but some of the
girls were angry that the boys' template of what to expect from real girls had
clearly already been set by porn.
By the end of the
hour-long class - and three others that followed with other children - I was
profoundly saddened by what I had witnessed. While teenage boys will always be
fascinated by, and curious about, sex, what's now considered 'normal' by
under-18s is an entirely distorted view of intercourse and the way
relationships should be conducted.
It seemed as if the
children's entire expectation of sex had been defined by what they see in
online porn. The conversation was horrifying enough, yet there was worse to
come.
In the playground, I
interviewed a brave group of seven bright boys and girls aged 14-15 to
ascertain in more detail what online porn they had witnessed.
One boy calmly recalled
watching a scene too graphic to describe in a family newspaper, but which
had involved an animal.
'You're watching
bestiality?' I asked. 'That's illegal. Where are you getting this stuff from?'
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"We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is
fake and real sex is about love, not lust.
By talking to them, they stand a chance." |
'Facebook,' the boy said.
'It just pops up whether you want it or not, sometimes via advertisements. You
don't have any control over it.'
A girl added, 'On
Facebook, you just scroll down and it's there. If any of your friends like it,
it comes up on your home page.'
These kids were balanced,
smart and savvy. They were the most academically gifted and sporting in the
school. They came from ordinary, hard-working households. This was not 'Broken
Britain'.
Some were clearly shocked
by what they had seen on the internet.
'I find it dirty and
disturbing,' said one 15-year-old boy. 'I try not to look at it, but people
just keep sending it to each other. They email disgusting links to each other's
mobile phones to shock.'
One girl put her head in her hands and said, 'It's
just gross'.
It's horrifying enough for
parents to know that children can get porn via the internet. But to think they
get it from Facebook - the social media currency that has become a universal
must-have for teenagers globally - will strike terror into their hearts.
I asked the teenagers: 'On
a scale of one to ten, how likely would you say it is that boys and girls your
age are watching porn online?'
The reply was a chorus of
tens, nines and one eight.
When I asked the children
if there were parental controls on the internet at home, they all said no,
their parents trusted them. They all admitted their parents had no idea what
they were watching, and would be shocked if they did know.
What I saw at the school
was awful, but sadly not unusual.
The findings were backed
up in a survey of 80 boys and girls aged 12-16, commissioned for the TV show.
It proves the vast
majority of UK teens have seen sexual imagery online, or pornographic
films.
According to the survey,
the boys appear largely happy about watching porn - and were twice as likely as
girls to do so - but the girls are significantly more confused, angry and
frightened by online sexual imagery. The more they see, the stronger they
feel.
But what impact is this
steady diet of online depravity having on the attitudes of boys and girls
towards real life relationships, and on their self-esteem?
Could it even have a wider
impact on their lives, blighting their ability to function in the world, get
good qualifications and jobs?
What I discovered left me
truly shocked and saddened.
You might be surprised.
After all, from 2003-2010 I edited lad's magazine Loaded.
With its frequent nudity
and lewd photo spreads, I'd long been accused of being a soft pornographer, and
after leaving Loaded I agonised that my magazine may have switched a generation
onto more explicit online porn.
In the documentary I set
out on a journey to answer the question: is porn harmless, or is it damaging
lives?
My interest was deeply
personal, too, as my own beautiful little boy, Sonny, is now four. Even though
he has only just started primary school, the Children's Commissioner estimates
boys as young as ten are now being exposed to online porn.
I wanted to know what I
could do to protect my own son from a seemingly inevitable exposure to hardcore
material in just a few years' time.
I used to be sceptical
that porn was as damaging a force as the headlines and David Cameron - who
recently said it was 'corroding childhood' - suggest. In the past I'd even
defended pornography in university debates, on TV and on radio. I claimed it
was our freedom of choice to watch it and said it could actually help add to
adult relationships.
But what I saw during the
making of the film changed my opinion of pornography forever.
The true stories of boys I
met whose lives had been totally taken over by porn not only moved me to tears
but also made me incredibly angry that this is happening to our children.
And the looks of revulsion
on those poor girl's faces in the playground enraged me.
I feel as if an entire
generation's sexuality has been hijacked by grotesque online porn.
To find out what porn is
doing to young men, and the girls they have relationships with, we spoke to
them via online forums and discovered that there were many young lives
seriously blighted by an excessive, unhealthy relationship with pornography
that can begin when they are as young as 12.
We learned that some had
lost their jobs, others had broken relationships, failed exams, or got into
serious debt through using porn.
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Parents must communicate the truth to their children,
even if they made the same mistake. |
Take the 19-year-old man I
got to know. He was handsome, articulate and in full-time employment as an apprentice
electrician. But his life was dominated by his porn habit.
'Every bit of spare time I
have is spent watching porn,' he says. 'It is extreme. I can't hold down a
relationship for longer than three weeks. I want porn sex with real girls, but
sex with them just isn't as good as the porn.'
Having established, like
the recent Children's Commissioner report, that 'basically, porn is
everywhere', we set out to discover what all this porn was doing to their
brains.
Was it having any effect
at all? Could it be addictive?
We found Dr Valerie Voon,
a neuroscientist at Cambridge University and a global authority on addiction. Then, in the first study
of its kind, we recruited 19 heavy porn users who felt their habit was out of
control and had Dr Voon examine their brain activity as they watched, among
other things, hardcore porn.
She showed them a variety
of images, both stills and videos.
These ranged from images
known to excite all men, such as bundles of £50 notes and extreme sports in
action, to mundane landscapes and wallpapers - all inter-spliced with hardcore
porn videos, plus pictures of both clothed and naked women.
The ways in which their
brains responded to this diverse imagery were compared with the responses of a
group of healthy volunteers.
She was interested in a
particular brain region called the ventral striatum - the 'reward centre' -
where our sense of pleasure is produced. This is one of the areas where an
addict will show a heightened response to visual representations of their
addiction - whether it's a syringe or a bottle of vodka.
What we discovered was a
revelation. When shown porn, the reward centre of normal volunteers barely
reacted, but that of the compulsive porn users lit up like a Christmas
tree.
The compulsive porn users'
brains showed clear parallels with those with substance addictions.
Everybody
on the project was astounded, even Dr Voon, who admitted she had been
'sceptical and ambivalent' about the study at the outset.
If porn does have the
insidious power to be addictive, then letting our children consume it freely
via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house, or handing out
vodka at the school gates.
And this toxic effect is filtering down directly
into young girls' lives.
The most shocking
testament came from Professor Gail Dines. Regarded as the world's leading
anti-pornography campaigner, she has interviewed thousands of men and women
about sex and pornography.
'When you interview young
women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence:
rough, violent sex,' she says.'That is directly because
of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are
acting as if they're sexual psychopaths.
'Pornography is sexually
traumatising an entire generation of boys.' By talking with sexual
addiction experts such as Professor John E Grant of the University of Chicago,
Dr Paula Hall, the UK's top sex addiction therapist, and Professor Matt Field
from the University of Liverpool, we learned that the teenage brain is
especially vulnerable to addiction. The brain's reward centre
is fully developed by the time we're teenagers, but the part of the brain that
regulates our urges - the pre-frontal cortex - isn't fully developed until our
mid-20s. The brains of teenagers are not wired to say 'stop', they are wired to
want more. The implications of this study are profoundly troubling.
So who is going to take on
the responsibility for protecting our children until they are old enough to do
it for themselves? Can we rely on schools? It
strikes me that the current sex education system in the UK - where schools are
obliged only to teach the basics of reproduction and the perils of sex, which
they can opt out of anyway - is hopelessly outdated.
In the internet age, our
children are turning to online porn for an alternative sex education - the
worst place they can go.
The Mail claimed a victory
in July when David Cameron announced that by the end of 2014 all 19 million UK
homes currently connected to the internet will be contacted by service
providers and told they must say whether family friendly filters that block all
porn sites should be switched on or off.
But our TV show proved
that determined children will always find a way around online blocks. Ultimately, the
responsibility lies with us, the parents. The age of innocence is over.
Like many parents, I fear
that my boy's childhood could be taken away by pornography. So we have to fight
back. We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn. We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust.
By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves.
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Proverbs 7:15 likens a sexually lured man
to an ox going to slaughter. |
We need to get tech-savvy,
and as toe-curling as it seems,e are the first generation that will have to
talk to our children about porn. We have to tell our kids
that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust.
By talking to them, they
stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only
ourselves.
Porn
On The Brain airs on Monday, 30 September at 10pm on Channel 4 as part of
Channel 4's Campaign for Real Sex
"Suddenly he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as one in fetter to the discipline of a fool, until an arrow pierces through his liver; as a bird hastens to the snare, so he does not know that it will cost him his life." - Prov 7:15
Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2432591/Porn-pernicious-threat-facing-children-today-By-ex-lads-mag-editor-MARTIN-DAUBNEY.html
