By Michael Patton
It was 2000. Or was it 1999? Not sure. My wife and I had
been married for three years. Katelynn was two; Kylee was on the way. We lived
in a little one bedroom apartment about ten minutes from campus. I was living
my dream as I started the four year ThM program at Dallas Seminary (DTS).
Kristie was ready to get in and get out, tolerating the time spent away from
home in Oklahoma.
It was early on in Dr. Mark Young’s missions class that the
epiphany came to me. It was from the Lord, I was sure. My passion for theology,
truth, and changing the world were rising every day. Dreams were big, but they
were about to get a lot bigger. Mark had been talking about the importance of
missions (of course…it was a missions class). Contextualization, culture,
redemptive analogies, and the like were all being discussed every day. Our
passions were on the rise as Mark told his stories about his time in Poland. He
could hardly hold back the tears and neither could we.
The next week he brought up a map. He showed us the break
down of the world in relation to the Great Commission. “You are here.” You know
how maps are. We were in Dallas. He showed us from there where all DTS grads
were serving. I think that they were marked with a pin. There was a high
concentration of pins around the Dallas area showing that many DTS grads stayed
close. There was also a high concentration of grads in a fifty states. They
were everywhere. Oklahoma, California, Nebraska, Washington, New York,
Illinois, New Mexico, and every place else in the United States. When we looked
beyond the United States, their was no famine for the need of pins. There were
only a few, comparatively speaking, in other countries. Mark began to explain
how 95% of the graduates from DTS stayed in the United States, while only 5%
served abroad. However, as he explained, 95% of the need was in other countries
that did not have the Gospel, theological training, or churches. It was
alarming and Mark’s passion for missions made the alarm that much louder.
Well I heard the call that day loud and clear. I knew what I
was called to do. I was not sure before, but the Lord’s voice was coming
through like a megaphone. I was supposed to go overseas. I was supposed to be a
missionary!
When I got home, Kristie attempted to probe for the passion
and the source of my excitement. I held back some naively thinking it was going
to be a surprise. I wanted to walk her through all I had learned and let the
excitement build in her as it had in me. I told her everything we had been
learning doing my best to work without the pins. I explained to her how much of
a famine for the Gospel existed in other parts of the world. Then, when the
time was just right, I gave her the “good” news: “We are going to be
missionaries!!!”
Let’s just say that the rehearsal in my mind did not mirror
the actual events. I thought that Kristie would be excited. I thought that her
heart would break for those less fortunate people. I thought that she would
hear the Lord’s voice as clearly as I did. But such was not the case. She began
to cry . . . and these were not the type of tear I wanted.
I struggled with this quite a bit. We discussed, argued, and
strong armed each other for some time. It became a very difficult spiritual
battle for me. Kristie made it clear that she was not going to go to another
country. Her thoughts were on the children and the well being of the family.
Her thoughts were on the community that she knew and loved. She would either
stay in Dallas or go back to Oklahoma City. Those were the only two options. It
was the very antinomy of our lessons on missions. To me, she was quenching the
great commission. She was quenching God himself!
Thus began quite a struggle. Was I a follower of the Lord or
follower of my wife? That was the question as I began to see it. In fact, I
began to think that if Kristie would not go with me, I would go alone. After
all, which is the greater good: staying married or saving souls? Or better,
which is the greater evil: divorce or not following God’s call?
Then one day in class Mark had his wife Priscilla come and
give her testimony of her life out on the mission field. I admired her so much.
She was the perfect wife. She understood the priority of the call of the Lord.
It broke my heart that my wife was not like her.
That night I decided to resort to some drastic measures. I
decided to have an intervention. This was not a drug or alcohol intervention,
but a spiritual one and my wife was the subject. This has to work, I thought to
myself. I began to discuss these things with my wife once again and, as usual,
things were not going to well. It was then that I pulled out my ace in the
hole—the trump card. I called Mark Young at home. “Mark, this is Michael Patton
from your missions class” I said. “Hello Michael, what can I do for you?” I
then proceeded to explain how effective his course had been on me. I told him
that I had been called into missions, but there was a hang-up that I thought he
could help with. I told him the situation with Kristie and asked if he could
talk to her. (Oh yeah…this was going to be good.)
However, the phone never met my wife’s ears that night. Mark
immediately put me on hold. After a minute or two so a woman’s voice came on
the phone. I was Priscilla. Oh, good strategy, I thought to myself. Let’s let
the wives discuss this together. However, Priscilla did not want to talk to
Kristie. She wanted to talk to me. And it was not in a nice voice. She
proceeded to . . . ahem . . . terrify me tell me how it really was and what I
was going to do. For the next five minutes I listened to this wonderful woman
as I shrank to the size of a peanut. She did not hold back either.
What was here message? In essence it was this: “Michael, God
is not going to call you into something that he does not also call your wife
into.” You can add about a hundred exclamation points after that and you will
catch my drift. I would not even be surprised if there was not a curse word
thrown in here or there. I can’t remember. “If God sovereignly calls you into
something, do you think he is going to forget about your wife?” she continued.
“If she is against it, it is not his will. Period!”
Well, so much for that idea.
That conversation changed me. It changed my marriage. I will
never forget it and never be able to express how much of an effect Priscilla’s
boldness had on me that night. She helped to re-prioritize this passionate and
selfish maverick. She helped me to know that my first priority in ministry is
to my wife and family. In a very real sense, Priscilla saved my marriage from
my passion for ministry.
Paul tells Timothy, “But if anyone does not provide for his
own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is
worse than an unbeliever” (1Tim. 5:8). I lost sight of that. I was very
immature. My idea that the greatest good was spreading the Gospel and the only
way to do that was to go where I felt I was being called. I was almost ready to
lose my testimony in order to testify for Christ.
Since then I have seen this situation more times than I can
count. It is usually always the same: a zealous husband who has become
embittered against his wife because she will not follow him in his zealousness.
One good friend just got a divorce because his wife did not want to become a
missionary. He thought it was the Lord’s will and he believed her unwillingness
was keeping him from a “greater good.” Now, after the divorce, his immaturity
has disqualified him from taking that step even by himself. Another friend is
becoming embittered toward his wife because her focus is elsewhere. Their
marriage is suffering. I could tell many more stories, but I don’t want to
betray anyone’s confidence.
Friends (and especially young zealous husbands or soon to be
husbands), don’t make the mistake of having your passion for ministry end your
marriage. Your first ministry is your marriage. If you don’t get that, you are
not qualified for ministry. In the spirit of Priscilla: Do you not think that
God is powerful enough to call you both into ministry or do you think he only
has enough power to call one of you? If so, then he is not a God worth your
time anyway. In short, if God does not call your wife, he is not calling you.
Period
Thanks Priscilla.
Source: http://purechurch.blogspot.com/2009/12/zealous-husbands-who-destroy-their.html
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