"Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" - Ro 2:4
"Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell, severity, but to you, God's kindness, if you continue in His kindness; otherwise you also will be cut off." - Ro 11:22
"Throughout the conversations Dan expressed a sincere interest in my life, wanting to get to know me on a personal level. He wanted to know about where I grew up, my faith, my family, even my husband, Tommy. In return, I learned about his wife and kids and gained an appreciation for his devout belief in Jesus Christ and his commitment to being "a follower of Christ" more than a "Christian." Dan expressed regret and genuine sadness when he heard of people being treated unkindly in the name of Chick-fil-a -- but he offered no apologies for his genuine beliefs about marriage."
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Shane Windemeyer (L), founder and executive director
of Campus Pride, the leading national organization
for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT)and all
college students, with Dan Cathy (R), Chick-fil-A
president and COO. |
I spent New Year's Eve at
the red-blooded, all-American epicenter of college football: at the Chick-fil-A
Bowl, next to Dan Cathy, as his personal guest. It was among the most
unexpected moments of my life.
Yes, after months of
personal phone calls, text messages and in-person meetings, I am coming out in
a new way, as a friend of Chick-fil-A's president and COO, Dan Cathy, and I am
nervous about it. I have come to know him and Chick-fil-A in ways that I would
not have thought possible when I first started hearing from LGBT students about
their concerns over the chicken chain's giving practices.
For many this news of
friendship might be shocking. After all, I am an out, 40-year-old gay man and alifelong activist for equality.
I am also the founder and executive director of Campus Pride, the leading national
organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) and ally college
students. Just seven months ago our organization advanced a national campaign against
Chick-fil-A for the millions of dollars it donated to anti-LGBT organizations and
divisive political groups that work each day to harm hardworking LGBT young
people, adults and our families. I have spent quite some time being angry at
and deeply distrustful of Dan Cathy and Chick-fil-A. If he had his way, my
husband of 18 years and I would never be legally married.
Why was I now standing
next to him at one of the most popular football showdowns? How could I dare
think to have a relationship with a man and a company that have advocated
against who I am; who would take apart my family in the name of
"traditional marriage"; whose voice and views represented exactly the
opposite of those of the students for whom I advocate every day? Dan is the
problem, and Chick-fil-A is the enemy, right?
Like most LGBT people, I
was provoked by Dan's public opposition to marriage equality and his company's
problematic giving history. I had the background and history on him, so I
thought, and had my own preconceived notions about who he was. I knew this
character. No way did he know me. That was my view. But it was flawed.
For nearly a decade now,
my organization, Campus Pride, has been on the ground with student leaders
protesting Chick-fil-A at campuses across the country. I had researched
Chick-fil-A's nearly $5 million in funding, given since 2003, to anti-LGBT
groups. And the whole nation was aware that Dan was "guilty as charged" in
his support of a "biblical definition" of marriage. What more was
there to know?
On Aug. 10, 2012, in the
heat of the controversy, I got a surprise call from Dan Cathy. He had gotten my
cell phone number from a mutual business contact serving campus groups. I took
the call with great caution. He was going to tear me apart, right? Give me a
piece of his mind? Turn his lawyers on me?
The first call lasted over
an hour, and the private conversation led to more calls the next week and the
week after. Dan Cathy knew how to text, and he would reach out to me as new
questions came to his mind. This was not going to be a typical turn of events.
His questions and a series
of deeper conversations ultimately led to a number of in-person meetings with
Dan and representatives from Chick-fil-A. He had never before had such dialogue
with any member of the LGBT community. It was awkward at times but always
genuine and kind.
It is not often that
people with deeply held and completely opposing viewpoints actually risk
sitting down and listening to one another. We see this failure to listen and
learn in our government, in our communities and in our own families. Dan Cathy
and I would, together, try to do better than each of us had experienced before.
Never once did Dan or
anyone from Chick-fil-A ask for Campus Pride to stop protesting Chick-fil-A. On
the contrary, Dan listened intently to our concerns and the real-life accounts
from youth about the negative impact that Chick-fil-A was having on campus
climate and safety at colleges across the country. He was concerned about an
incident last fall where a fraternity was tabling next to the Chick-fil-A
restaurant on campus. Whenever an out gay student on campus would walk past the
table, the fraternity would chant, "We love Chick-fil-A," and then
shout anti-gay slurs at the student. Dan sought first to understand, not to be
understood. He confessed that he had been naïve to the issues at hand and the
unintended impact of his company's actions.
Chick-fil-A also provided
access to internal documents related to the funding of anti-LGBT groups and
asked questions about our concerns related to this funding. An internal document,
titled "Who We Are," expressed Chick-fil-A's values, which included
their commitment "to treat every person with honor, dignity and
respect," including LGBT people. Dan and his family members had personally
drafted, refined and approved the document.
Through all this, Dan and
I shared respectful, enduring communication and built trust. His demeanor has
always been one of kindness and openness. Even when I continued to directly
question his public actions and the funding decisions, Dan embraced the opportunity
to have dialogue and hear my perspective. He and I were committed to a better
understanding of one another. Our mutual hope was to find common ground if
possible, and to build respect no matter what. We learned about each other as
people with opposing views, not as opposing people.
During our meetings I came
to see that the Chick-fil-A brand was being used by both sides of the political
debate around gay marriage. The repercussion of this was a deep division and
polarization that was fueling feelings of hate on all sides. As a result, we
agreed to keep the ongoing nature of our meetings private for the time being.
The fire needed no more fuel.
Throughout the
conversations Dan expressed a sincere interest in my life, wanting to get to
know me on a personal level. He wanted to know about where I grew up, my faith,
my family, even my husband, Tommy. In return, I learned about his wife and kids
and gained an appreciation for his devout belief in Jesus Christ and his
commitment to being "a follower of Christ" more than a
"Christian." Dan expressed regret and genuine sadness when he heard
of people being treated unkindly in the name of Chick-fil-a -- but he offered
no apologies for his genuine beliefs about marriage.
And in that we had great
commonality: We were each entirely ourselves. We both wanted to be respected
and for others to understand our views. Neither of us could -- or would --
change. It was not possible. We were different but in dialogue. That was
progress.
In many ways, getting to
know Dan better has reminded me of my relationship with my uncle, who is a
pastor at a Pentecostal church. When I came out as openly gay in college, I was
aware that his religious views were not supportive of homosexuality. But my
personal relationship with my uncle reassured me of his love for me -- and that
love extends to my husband. My uncle would never want to see any harm come to
me or Tommy. His beliefs prevented him from fully reconciling what he
understood as the immorality of homosexuality with the morality of loving and
supporting me and my life. It was, and remains, an unsolvable riddle for him,
hating the sin and loving the sinner.
My relationship with Dan
is the same, though he is not my family. Dan, in his heart, is driven by his
desire to minister to others and had to choose to continue our relationship
throughout this controversy. He had to both hold to his beliefs and welcome me
into them. He had to face the issue of respecting my viewpoints and life even
while not being able to reconcile them with his belief system. He defined this
to me as "the blessing of growth." He expanded his world without
abandoning it. I did, as well.
As Dan and I grew through
mutual dialogue and respect, he invited me to be his personal guest on New
Year's Eve at the Chick-fil-A Bowl. This was an event that Campus Pride and
others had planned to protest. Had I been played? Seduced into his
billionaire's life? No. It was Dan who took a great risk in inviting me: He
stood to face the ire of his conservative base (and a potential boycott) by
being seen or photographed with an LGBT activist. He could have been portrayed
as "caving to the gay agenda" by welcoming me.
Instead, he stood next to
me most of the night, putting respect ahead of fear. There we were on the
sidelines, Dan, his wife, his family and friends and I, all enjoying the game.
And that is why building a relationship with someone I thought I would never
understand mattered. Our worlds, different as they can be, could coexist
peacefully. The millions of college football fans watching the game never could
have imagined what was playing out right in front of them. Gay and straight,
liberal and conservative, activist and evangelist -- we could stand together in
our difference and in our respect. How much better would our world be if more
could do the same?
This past week Chick-fil-A
shared with me the 2011 IRS Form 990, filed in November for the WinShape
Foundation, along with 2012 financials. The IRS has not released the 990 to the
public yet, but the financials affirm Chick-fil-A's values a year prior to the
controversy this past July. The nearly $6 million in outside grant funding
focuses on youth, education, marriage enrichment and local communities. The
funding reflects Chick-fil-A's promised commitment not to engage in
"political or social debates," and the most divisive anti-LGBT groups
are no longer listed.
Even as Campus Pride and
so many in the community protested Chick-fil-A and its funding of groups like
Family Research Council, Eagle Forum and Exodus International, the funding of
these groups had already stopped. Dan Cathy and Chick-fil-A could have noted
this publicly earlier. Instead, they chose to be patient, to engage in private
dialogue, to reach understanding,and to share proof with me when it was official.
There was no "caving"; there were no "concessions." There
was, in my view, conscience.
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| Image courtesy of mercynotkindess.blogspot.com |
This is why, after
discussions with Dan and Chick-fil-A, Campus
Pride suspended our campaign. Like Dan, we had faith. It took time to be
proven publicly. Now it is all about the
future, one defined, let's hope, by continued mutual respect. I will not change
my views, and Dan will likely not change his, but we can continue to listen,
learn and appreciate "the blessing of growth" that happens when we
know each other better. I hope that our nation's political leaders and campus
leaders might do the same.
In the end, it is not
about eating (or eating a certain chicken sandwich). It is about sitting down
at a table together and sharing our views as human beings, engaged in real,
respectful, civil dialogue. Dan would probably call this act the biblical
definition of hospitality. I would call it human decency. So long as we are all
at the same table and talking, does it matter what we call it or what we eat?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shane-l-windmeyer/dan-cathy-chick-fil-a_b_2564379.html
